The Activity Director's Office Presents
Activity Ideas That Work
by Gina Salazar, AD
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Scary Spiders:

You will need:
black pipe cleaner
wiggly eyes
styrofoam ball
black paint

Have each person paint the
styrofoam ball black.let dry.then
glue on eyes.then poke the black
pipe cleaners thru the black ball
for each leg(four on each
side).bend the pipe cleaners to
look like spider legs.Hang up with
fishing wire if desired.

Bountiful Fall Bouquets

Autumn gardens are filled with the
makings for bouquets and
arrangements that can be placed
outside or, when it turns cooler
and the holidays approach,
brought inside for a centerpiece.
Try an arrangement with the
following late-blooming flowers,
vegetables, berries, fruits, and

Sunflowers, asters, dahlias,
zinnias, hydrangeas, September
flower, sage, autumn bugbane

Vegetables and herbs
Pumpkins, winter squash, gourds,
peppers, winter wheat, dill, sage

Berries and fruits
Cranberries, beautyberries,
nandina, baneberries, porcelain
berries, crabapples, blue cohosh
berries, apples, pomegranates,
mandarin oranges

Colorful leaves from trees such as
maple, oak, and magnolia;
bushes such as viburnum and
burning bush; or vines such as
grape leaves and porcelain vine

Hollow out the pumpkins, gourds,
apples, peppers, or squash to
create a natural vase for the other
items, or cradle the goods in a
basket or bowl. You can create a
more formal arrangement by
using only one type of flower, or
combine different flowers, berries,
and leaves to create a mixed
bouquet in the spirit of the
bountiful fall season.
Alzheimers Activity for

Pizza Hunt:

Before your group meets, get a large
white poster board and draw a large
circle on the poster board(this is
your crust).Then get different
magazines and ask residents to find
the "makings for a pizza".

Things to look for:

tomato sauce
bell peppers
Make a theme box for

you might add:
candy corn
small pumpkin
scary music tape
plastic spiders,bats,skeletons
apple cider
cinnamon sticks
orange and black material
pieces(different textures)
What's Cookin'

Popcorn Party

You will need:
Air popper
popcorn kernels
carmel squares
butter(1 stick)
parmasen cheese
cheese packet(from a box of mac
n cheese)
tapitillo hot sauce

Just pop five different bowls of
popcorn.set aside.
For the first bowl sprinkle salt and
melted butter on it.
Second bowl- sprinkle the topitillo
hot sauce on it and shake up the
Third bowl-sprinkle parmasen
cheese on it, shake up the bowl.
Fourth bowl-sprinkle the cheese
packet on top the popcorn,shake
Fifth bowl-Sprinkle melted carmel
on the popcorn (melt 1/2 stick of
butter and carmel in the
microwave to melt).
Have your residents try each
popcorn and tell which one they
like best.


You will need:
12 english muffins,split in half,
1 bag of shredded cheddar
1 bag of shredded montery jack
cheese(16 oz)
dash of oregano
veggies(what ever kind you like)
1 large can of tomato sauce

Put all the english muffins on a
large baking sheet,put a
tablespoon of tomato sauce on
each one,sprinkle with
oregano,top with cheese and the
rest of your toppings.Put in oven at
425 degrees until cheese is
melted(about 5-10 minutes).Let
cool before serving.Enjoy!
Word Game
Fill in the blanks.

A witch rides on a -----
The ghost says-----Boo.
The colors of halloween are black
and -----
A pumpkin is also known as a
ack o' lantern
Kids yell this when they are at your
Trick or Treat!!
Don't let this cross your
Black Cat.
The kids wear this on
You do this when your
This person likes to suck your
The scary house on the hill
A magician does -----Magic.

ice cream stick
green tempura paint
6 or 7 brown chenille sticks in
different lengths
2 12"-long brown chenille sticks
black marker
1 white Kleenex tissue

Paint ice cream stick green and
allow to dry. Wrap 2 of the chenille
stick around the bottom of the ice
cream stick to create roots or feet
for the tree to stand on. With
remaining chenille sticks, create
branches by wrapping around ice
cream stick and then bending in
different directions. Fold Kleenex
at the seam. Holding seam in your
fingers, cut along the seam, about
2 inches down from seam. You
should end up with a piece as
long as the original Kleenex, but
only about 2 inches high that can
be unfolded into a 4 inch strip.
From this strip, cut into sections
about 1 inch long each. From
these small pieces, create tiny
ghosts by twisting into a ghost
shape. Using the chenille
branches, carefully wrap the end
of the branch around the ghost
necks until there is a ghost on
each branch. Move branches
around so there are some in the
front, back and on the sides to
make your tree more dimensional.
With black marker, carefully dot on
eyes and a mouth for each ghost,
draw an oval on the tree truck for
the hollow effect, and draw a few
lines up and down the trunk for
Ghoulish Stick Figures

If you are looking for last minute
Halloween crafts, you've come to
the right place! These adorable
little monsters have personality of
their own. Made from simple items
such as ice cream sticks and
tempura paint, they're sure to be a
hit with your residents.


ice cream stick with wide ends
black tempura paint
gold glitter glue
2" piece of thin red ribbon
tacky or hot glue
4 wiggle eyes

Paint ice cream stick black and let
dry. Cut 2" piece of ribbon into two
1" pieces. At one end of each
piece, cut a tiny triangle out to form
a forked tongue. Glue the ribbons
to underside of each end of the ice
cream stick, be sure that the
forked end is sticking out. Using
gold glitter glue, carefully apply 3-4
striped down snake's body. Glue a
pair of wiggle eyes onto each end
of the ice cream stick.


ice cream stick
orange tempura paint
6 12"-long orange chenille sticks
red glitter glue
2 wiggle eyes
tacky glue

Paint ice cream stick and allow to
dry. Wrap chenille sticks around
body to form legs; bend legs into
position. Glue on two wiggle eyes
onto head. Fill in gaps on top of
ice cream stick between legs with
red glitter glue.


ice cream stick
red tempura paint
2 wiggle eyes
black marker
5" piece of red & white polka dot
6 12"-long red chenille sticks
Kleenex tissue
tacky or hot glue

Paint ice cream stick red and
allow to dry. Wrap chenille sticks
around center and lower portion of
ice cream stick. Bend sticks to
create 4 arms and 4 legs. Fashion
a small bow out of red & white
polka dot ribbon. Trim ends to
make bow about 1-1 1/2" in length.
Glue onto ice cream stick where
neck should be. Glue wiggle eyes
onto head. Cut a small square
(about 1 1/2"-2") out of Kleenex
tissue. Fringe one side of the
Kleenex by carefully cutting small
slits with scissors. Bunch
opposite end of the Kleenex
together and glue to the back of
the head. Using black marker,
draw on mouth and nose.


ice cream stick
white tempura paint
black marker
one Kleenex tissue
1 white chenille stick

Paint ice cream stick white and
allow to dry. With black marker,
draw on eyes and mouth. Poke ice
cream stick through bottom third of
Kleenex. Using white chenille
stick, wrap short end of Kleenex
(back of ghost) around the ice
cream stick to secure it in place.
Fringe the front of the Kleenex
tissue by carefully cutting slits up
from the bottom.
Spider Pops

Let guests make these leggy
lollipops as a party activity and a
take-home favor.

4 black pipe cleaners
Googly eyes

Holding all four pipe cleaners,
center them at the base of the pop
and wrap them around the stick
once so there are four legs on
each side. Bend the legs. Glue on
googly eyes. Now, is it a trick--or a
Pizza Facts

The first pizzeria opened in New
York on 53 1/2 Spring Street in
1895. Between 1948 and 1956
oregano sales increased 5200%.
This was due to the growing
popularity of pizza and other Italian
specialties discovered by US
servicemen stationed in Europe.
Pizza Hut opens its first store in
Kansas City in 1958. Domino's
Pizza opened its doors in Detroit in
1960. The store was bought by a
23 year old investor named
Thomas Monaghan, who
borrowed $500 to buy the store.

In 1994, total pizza sales in the
United States exceeded $20
The 1995 Guiness Book of World
Records lists the largest baked
pizza on record was 37.4 meters
in diameter (12,159 sq.ft.), in
Norwood, South Africa December
8th 1990. Another notable pizza by
size was a 10,000 sq.ft. pizza
cooked by Lorenzo Amato, owner
of Cafe di Lorenzo in Tallahassee
Florida in 1991.¹
The first known pizza shop, Port
'Alba in Naples, opened in 1830
and is still open today.²
The first pizzeria in North America
was opened in 1905 by Gennaro
Lombardi at 53 1/3 Spring Street
in New York City.³
The first pizza delivery was in
1889, by Raffaele Esposito owner
of the famous pizzeria Pietro il
Pizzaiolo (Naples). The recipients
were visiting King Umberto I and
Queen Margherita. Refusing to go
to the likes of a pizzeria, the queen
ordered in, being anxious to try
this food she heard so much
The first commercial pizza-pie mix
was "Roman Pizza Mix", produced
in 1948 in Worcester,
Massachusetts by Frank A.
The mozzarella originally used in
Italy for pizza, was made from the
milk of the water buffalo.²
The tomato arrived in Naples, Italy
around 1522 originating from
seeds first arriving in Spain from
Peru. Initially grown only as an
ornamental plant, the 'golden
apple', so called because they
were small and yellow, were
thought to be poisonous until
around 1750, when it began to be
used in cooking.³
The origins of focaccia, one of the
oldest styles of pizza (without the
tomato) can be traced back to
about 1000 B.C.E., when the
Etruscans arrived in northern and
central parts of Italy from Asia
Pizza is the number 2 entree in
foodservice, outpacing the growth
rate of all other food items. It
represents more than 10% of all
food sales and is expected to
exceed the hamburger 1996.4
Tuna is one of the most popular
toppings in Europe.4
North Americans eat more pizza
than anyone else in the world, yet
most are acquainted with little
beyond the basic tomato and
cheese style.³
There are three major regional
styles of pizza in the US. In the
East, pizza is the traditional
Neapolitan type with a light, thin
crust, tomato sauce, mozzarella
cheese and a vegetable or meat
topping. It is more commonly
known as New York-style. On the
West Coast, pizza takes on a
sophisticated look. Individual
pizzettes with light, chewy crusts
and toppings ranging from
sundried tomatoes to asparagus
to boccocini cheese are the norm.
The Midwestern states prefer the
deep-dish Chicago style, a thick
creation heaped with toppings
requiring up to 45 minutes to bake.
Cookbooks specializing in Italian
recipes have no reference to pizza
prior to the 1950's.¹
In non-Italian communities in the
eastern states, pizza can be heard
to be referred to as "tomato pie".¹
1 — Mariani, John - The Dictionary
of American Food & Drink. Hearst
Books 1994.

2 — Bruno, Pasquale Jr. - The
Ultimate Pizza. Contemporary
Books. 1995.

3 — Slomon, Evelyne - The Pizza
Book. Random House. 1984.

4 — Pizza Today - Monthly
publication of the National
Association of Pizza Operators.
Pizza Trivia

*Piz'za Defined!

* piz' za, n. (It.) - A baked pie of
Italian origin consisting of a
shallow bread-like crust covered
with seasoned tomato sauce,
cheese, and often other toppings,
such as sausage or olives.

The Origins of Pizza

Considered a peasant's meal in
Italy for centuries, modern pizza
attributes itself to baker Raffaele
Esposito of Napoli (Naples), who
in 1889 created a special pizza for
the visiting Italian King Umberto
and Queen Margherita. The pizza,
named after the queen, was
patriotic in it's resemblance to the
Italian flag; red (tomatoes), white
(mozzarella cheese), and green
(basil). It received rave reviews,
setting the standard by which
today's pizza evolved.

The idea of using bread as a plate
came from the Greeks, who ate
flat round bread (plankuntos)
baked with an assortment of
toppings. The tomato came to Italy
from Mexico and Peru through
Spain in the 16th century as an
ornamental plant first thought to
be poisonous. True mozzarella is
made from the milk of the water
buffalo imported from India to
Campania in the 7th century.

So, the Neopolitan baker, as the
saying goes, put it all together.
Also, in 1830 the world's first true
pizzeria, Antica Pizzeria Port' Alba
in Naples, opened and is still in
business today!

Pizza migrated to America with the
Italians. Gennaro Lombardi
opened the first U.S. pizzeria in
1895 in New York City at 53 1/3
Spring Street, but it wasn't until
after World War II when returning
GI's created a nationwide demand
for the pizza they had eaten and
loved in Italy that pizza went public.
My first recollection of pizza is
homemade "box" pizza (Chef
Boyardee) with canned pizza
sauce and parmesan cheese. In
the late 1950's, Shakey's and
various other mass production
pizza parlors appeared and further
popularized pizza.

Pizza in this day and age is not
limited to the flat round type. It's
also deep-dish pizza, stuffed pizza,
pizza pockets, pizza turnovers,
rolled pizza, pizza-on-a-stick, pizza
strudel, etc., all with combinations
of sauce, cheese, and toppings
limited only by one's
inventiveness. However, the best
pizza still comes from the
individual pizzaiolo, a pizza baker,
who prepares his yeast dough
and ingredients daily and heats
his oven for hours before baking
the first pizza.

Did You Know?

670 MILLION pounds of cheese
is sold every year!
75 ACRES of cheese is
eaten every day!
350 MILLION tons of frozen pizza
is sold every year!
30 TIMES a year is how often the
average family eats pizza at home!
96% of people buy pizza out.
Only 4% never go out for pizza!
23 POUNDS of cheese is eaten
every year by the average person
1.1 BILLION frozen pizzas
were sold last year!
4 BILLION fresh pizzas were
sold last year!

What Your Pizza says about You

Mercury News Wire Services
October Dates to Celebrate:

National Breast Cancer Awareness month-Why dont you have a Doctor come
in and give your female residents free breast exams and show them how to do
them for themselves. Or make pink bow pins to sell for breast cancer.All you
need is pin backings,pink ribbon and glue.Sell them for $1.00 each and give
the proceeds to your local breast cancer hospital.Call the local paper to let
them know about your efforts and you might get your facility in the paper.

Country Music Month- Why dont you have a country music club or dance hall
come in and give your residents a country music dance lesson.Or
Watch Coal Miners Daughter- a video about one of the queens of counrty
music-Lorretta Lynn.

National Popcorn popping month- Why dont you have a popcorn poppin' party-
get an air popper and make different types of popcorn.(see recipes below).You
can also celebrate National Carmel Month at the same time.

Family History Month- Ask residents to bring old pictures of themselves and
their families. Try to make a family tree for each resident, see how far back you
can trace their families. Get the families involved too.

National Crime Prevention month- Have your local police dept. come in and
give a lecture on the different scams and crimes done to seniors.

National Pizza Month-Have a pizza party-Order a bunch of pizza and invite the
staff to join you and the residents.Or make your own mini pizzas
(see recipe below).

Halloween-Oct.31st- Have a Halloween Haunt-Invite local daycares,or
elementry schools to let the kids come to trick or treat at your facility. Make sure
to buy enough candy for your residents to pass out to the kids.During the day
hold a costume contest and let the staff dress up and let the residents choose
the winners.Also, about a week before Halloween give each your facility
a fresh pumpkin to decorate any way they like.  Then on Halloween let your
residents choose 1st.2nd.and 3rd place. Give prizes.

October Holiday Idea

Pity the average Jack o'Lantern. Carved up, lit from the inside, and bald. That's
right, no hair on top. Without resorting to celebrity-endorsed hair restoration
products, you can grow a gorgeous head of hair for your personal pumpkin.

Following the usual procedure, after opening the top, remove the inside "goop"
and scrape the sides. Now, poke some generous holes in the bottom - at least
as big around as a pencil.

Depending on how long you want your Jack to last, you can either use an
ordinary grocery plastic bag to line it or not. If you want to carve a face all the
way through, just realize the holes will show brown, not light.

Put potting soil inside the pumpkin and moisten it. Into the top, arrange some
nicely rooted long ivy cuttings. If you do this two weeks before the end of the
month, tresses will greet trick-or-treaters.

Easy Halloween Wreath

You will need:
8" styrofoam wreath
2 2" strips of orange fabric 44" long
1 2" strip of black fabric 12" long
Metallic trim (optional)
1 yucky rubber spider
Craft glue

Do not worry about the type of fabric you are using. It is the color effect we are
after, anything that is orange and black will work. Wool, felt, satin, cotton, etc.

Wrap the orange strips around the wreath to cover the base entirely. Glue ends
down in the back. Do not worry about raw edges showing.

Wrap metallic trim around the wreath in the same manner and bring ends to
the back and glue down. This step is optional but I think it gives some extra
"snap" to the end result.

Tie black strip in a bow and attach at the top with glue.

Tie black thread around the body of your yucky spider and hang down from the
middle of the wreath. Glue the thread ends in the back of the wreath as well. Let
the spider hang free. This is the spider's web.

It is so simple and the kids will have fun hanging all sorts of yuckies from the
wreath. It also costs next to nothing if you use odd and ends from around the
house. Enjoy!

Halloween Painted Rocks

If you are looking for some inexpensive, easy crafts for your residents this
Halloween, head out to your backyard to start the fun. Have the kids hunt
around for different shaped rocks. Long, slender rocks for ghosts, oval shapes
for spiders, and just about any stout rock will make a great pumpkin!


stout, roundish rock
orange tempura paint
black marker
small amount of raffia
3-4 silk leaves
tacky or hot glue
3/4" piece of green chenille stick
bits of Kleenex tissue

The texture of the rock for the pumpkin can be smooth, bumpy, or even jagged,
as was in our case. Before you begin, stand the rock up in the position you
would like it to be when your craft is complete. Ours was a little tricky, we just
leveled him off using the raffia and tissue.

Paint the rock orange and let it dry. Using a black marker, draw on pumpkin's
face. Glue silk leaves to the bottom of your pumpkin. Using bits of Kleenex for
leveling and bunches of raffia, glue rock onto "straw bed". Top off your pumpkin
rock with green chenille for the stem by folding in half and gluing on top of
pumpkin's head.


long, slender rock
white tempura paint
black marker
handful of cotton batting
tacky or hot glue
white glitter glue

Paint rock white and let dry. Draw face onto ghost with black marker. Glue
cotton batting to the bottom of the rock to give the appearance of a ghostly trail
following him. Smear white glitter glue down the sides of the ghost.


oval rock
black tempura paint
pair of wiggle eyes
6-8 12"-long black chenille sticks
red glitter glue
small piece of paper plate or white paper
tacky or hot glue

Paint rock black and let dry. Wrap chenille sticks around body to secure legs in
place. Bend sticks to form legs. Glue chenille sticks in place on the bottom of
the rock. Glue on two wiggle eyes. Cut little fangs from paper plate or paper
and, using red glitter glue, glue onto rock-face, underneath wiggle eyes. use
red glitter glue to create a few drops of blood on fangs and paint around mouth
to finish up.

Pumpkin in Bloom

Celebrate the splendor of autumn with colorful fresh flowers displayed in a
plump pumpkin vase. In about an hour you can create a dazzling centerpiece
rich with tones and hues of the season.

You will need:
One 8" diameter pumpkin, with 6" diameter top removed and insides scooped
Small plastic container to fit into pumpkin
Floral foam
Floral tape
12 leatherleaf fern tips, each 5"-7" long
5 pencil cattails: two 7" long, two 9" long and one 12" long
15 bronze pompon chrysanthemums, each 10" - 12" long
9 yellow pompon chrysanthemums, each 6" - 8" long
12 yellow asters, each 6" - 8" long
8 stems preserved oak leaves
Utility knife

Place container in pumpkin. Measure and cut floral foam to fit container so that
top of foam extends 1/2" over rim of pumpkin; secure foam and container to
pumpkin with floral tape.

Insert leatherleaf ferns into foam around rim of pumpkin, spacing evenly. Insert
shorter pieces in top of foam to completely cover foam. Insert five cattails at top
of arrangement at varying heights.

Insert 15 stems of bronze pompons into foam at varying heights, spacing
evenly: Place one 12"-long flower near center top of foam and several flowers
around rim of pumpkin; then place remaining flowers above the bottom flowers

Insert one 8"-long yellow pompon at top of foam and four 6"-long pompons,
evenly spaced, around rim of pumpkin. Insert remaining four yellow pompons
halfway up to top yellow pompon and in between the four yellow pompons at

Insert yellow aster stems into foam, spacing evenly between the yellow and
bronze pompons. Insert oak leaves around rim of arrangement. Fill container
with water; check water level daily. Place arrangement on shallow dish or place
mat to protect furniture from marks or spills.

Twisted Paper Witch

This adorable witch will make a wonderful addition to any windowsill, front
porch, entry way, or tabletop. She's easy to make and fun to show off!

4" length of 3/8"- diameter wooden dowel
1 1/2"- diameter wooden bead with predrilled 3/8" hole (for head)
Twisted-paper: 2 1/2 yds - rust, 2 1/2 yds - natural, 1 yd - black
24" of 26-gauge wire
handful of Spanish moss (for hair)
1 1/4" Styrofoam ball
6" long straw broom
green chenille stick
orange twisted paper

glue gun
carbon paper
white dressmaker's carbon

For patterns click here.

Head and Body
Glue one end of dowel; slip end into hole in wooden bead; allow it to dry. Cut a
10" length of rust twisted-paper ribbon, untwist it and fold it in half crosswise
(body). Using tip of scissors, cut a small slit at center of fold; insert free end of
dowel through slit until head rests on body. Glue head to body.

Cut seven 8 1/2" lengths of rust twisted-paper ribbon; untwist them. Apply glue
to one side of one strip end; attach strip to dowel about 1 1/4" from head; wrap
glued end of strip around dowel. Repeat to attach remaining strips, overlapping
edges to create a circular base; let dry. After attaching the underskirt strips, trim
the bottom before you spread the paper out so that the base will be even and
stand up better. Stand witch upright, bending out bottom of underskirt for

Arms and Sleeves
Cut a 7" length of rust twisted-paper ribbon (arm) set aside. Cut two 5" lengths
of rust twist, untwist. Roll one 5" piece lengthwise into a loose cylinder; glue
along length wise edge (sleeve). Slip sleeve over one end of arm so that
twisted end extends 1/4" beyond sleeve (hand). Apply 1/2" wide band of glue
1/4" from end of hand; press lower end of sleeve onto glue to make a 1/2" wide
cuff. With your thumbs against cuff, work upper sleeve down over cuff about
1/2", creating a puffed sleeve. Glue top of sleeve to center of arm. Repeat to
make and attach other sleeve. Center arms under body next to head; glue arms
to dowel. (Side of dowel to which arms are glued will be back.) Fold body over
arms; glue body front and back to underskirt.

Cut six 6 1/2" lengths and five 8 1/2" lengths of natural twisted-paper ribbon for
overskirt; untwist. Using pencil, carbon paper and full-size pattern, trace outline
of short strips onto each 6 1/2" length of twist and outline of long strips onto
each 8 1/2" length; cut out strips. Attach long strips to underskirt first, keeping
upper ends of strips even: Glue top of each strip; press strip into place below
sleeves, overlapping strips around body. Attach short strips in same manner.
Starting at back and pulling wire slightly, wrap wire around body six times, 1/4"
from top of overskirt. Twist ends of wire together to secure; bend ends flat
against back. Bend out some overskirt strips to add fullness to skirt fold back
one lengthwise edge on two or three adjoining strips to give skirt windswept

Cut two 12" lengths of black twisted-paper ribbon; untwist. Glue pieces together
along one lengthwise side, overlapping edges about 1/4". Evenly trim corners
on one short end glue one side of opposite short end; trap this end around
back of shoulders; press in place.

Cut a 4" length of black twisted-paper ribbon; untwist. Using white
dressmaker's carbon, trace full size pattern for collar onto the piece. Cut out
collar, slitting where indicated. Apply glue around base of neck; slip collar
around neck; press in place, overlapping ends at back. Glue ends together.

Hair and Hat
Apply glue around top, back and sides of head. Form a mall nest of Spanish
moss and invert it over head; press in place. Cut a 4" piece of black
twisted-paper ribbon; untwist and cut to make a 4" square. Fold two adjacent
sides of the square toward each other, overlapping edges about 1/2" to form a
cone; glue edges together. Trim bottom of cone to make even. Bend bottom out
slightly; apply glue along underside; press onto head; twist tip. Cut a 4" length
of black twisted paper ribbon; untwist. Using dressmaker's carbon, trace
full-size pattern or brim onto the piece of twist; cut out. Cut out center hole; slip
brim over top of hat. Glue to base of hat top.

Poke a hole in each end of the 1 1/4" Styrofoam ball with a pencil or knitting
needle. Cut a 2 1/2" length of orange twisted paper. Open the paper and wrap it
around the ball with the hole at the top and bottom. Using the knitting needle
push the ends of the paper down into the holes on the top and bottom of the
ball. Cut a 1 1/2" piece of green chenille stick and curl it around the knitting
needle. Remove and glue one end in the top hole of the ball.

Finishing Touches
Bend left arm, glue pumpkin to inside of arm. Glue handle of broom to front of
right cuff and bottom of broom to front of skirt.


Surveys conducted by vast Pizza conglomerates offers these observations:

People and Pizza

Men wearing muscle shirts when answering the door order pepperoni three
times more often than any other topping. People who have pierced noses, lips
or eyebrows ask for a vegetarian toppings 23 percent more often than a meat
topping. Those who have wind chimes on the porch are four times more likely
than the average to want olives.

Television and Pizza

A recurring element is the correlation between pizza-eating and TV-watching.
Whatever day and time "Roseanne'' airs is always the biggest half-hour of the
week for meat-topped pizza orders.

Since you asked, the No. 1 pizza-ordering show (figured by comparing orders
during its time slot with weeks when the show doesn't air) is "Melrose Place",'
which is also by far the leading show for vegetable-topped pizzas. Pizza orders
in the "Melrose Place'' time slot have gone up 14 percent since Heather
Locklear joined the cast.

Politics and Pizza

There's more: As you look back on 1994, trying to make sense of Newt's rise
and O.J.'s fall, you may want to consider these other statistics from Domino's:

Since the Republicans won the election, meat-topped pizza orders have risen
32 percent in the Washington metropolitan area. Since Election Day, tipping of
Domino's deliverers by Washington women has fallen off by 10 percent (except
during "Melrose Place,' when it climbs by 30 percent). Since the election,
tipping by House Republicans has been down 12 percent; tipping by House
Democrats has been up 3 percent. Whenever Newt Gingrich appears on
national television, pizza orders to Democratic offices go up 4 percent and go
down 2 percent on the GOP side. And last, but not least: The single greatest
hour for pizza delivery in national pizza history was the hour when O.J. Simpson
was in the white Ford Bronco on the L.A. freeways.

Published 1/11/95 in the San Jose Mercury News.

If they Made Pizza ovens...

If IBM made pizza ovens...

They would want one big pizza oven where people bring dough to be submitted
for overnight cooking. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six
pizza ovens.

If Microsoft made pizza ovens ...Every time you bought dough, you would have to
buy a pizza oven. You wouldn't have to take the pizza oven, but you'd have to pay
for it anyway. Pizza Oven '97 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take
up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first pizza oven that
lets you customize your pizza toppings, and would secretly interrogate your
other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft
pizza ovens, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good
ingredients only works with their pizza ovens.

Pizza Oven '97 would also work on the web, allowing you to check it's progress
from Internet Explorer (but not Netscape). It will also cook pizza's made by other
ingredient makers.

If Apple made pizza ovens...It would do everything the Microsoft pizza oven does,
but 5 years earlier.

If Fisher-Price made pizza ovens ..."Baby's First Pizza Oven" would have a
100-watt light bulb and a hand-crank that you turn to cook the dough. The pizza
would pop up like a Jack-in-the-box when it was done. The toppings could be
bought separately and would be in a powder form. Making the toppings would
require mixing the powder in water and string until it was a thick pasty

If The Rand Corporation made pizza ovens ...It would be a large, perfectly
smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of
dough on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone
number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government
documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.

If the NSA made pizza ovens ...Your pizza oven would have a secret trapdoor
that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your pizza for
reasons of national security.

Does Digital (formerly DEC) still make pizza ovens ...They made good pizza
ovens in the '70s, didn't they?  They are currently designing the world's first truly
portable pizza oven. It has the smallest footprint of any pizza oven on the market
and will be called the Ultra III HiPizza.

If Hewlett-Packard made pizza ovens ...They would market the Reverse Polish
pizza oven, which takes in pizza and gives you regular dough. No one knows
where the toppings go.

If Sony made pizza ovens ...Their "PizzaMan", which would be barely larger than
the dough it is meant to cook, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If The Franklin Mint made pizza ovens ...Every month you would receive another
lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter pizza oven.

If Cray made pizza ovens ...They would cost $16 million but would be faster
than any other pizza oven in the world.

If Thinking Machines made pizza ovens ...You would be able to cook
64,000,000 pizza's at the same time.

If Timex made pizza ovens ...They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal
wrist pizza ovens that take a licking and keep on cooking.

If Radio Shack made pizza ovens ...The staff would sell you a pizza oven, but not
know anything about it. Or you could by all the parts to build your own pizza oven.

"If they Made Pizza Ovens" was originally "If They Made Toasters...".

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