|POEMS, JOKES & SUCH - Page 3
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether
they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or
students...here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take
comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence
did not extend to His own children After creating heaven
and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing
he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we
have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making
the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children
having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell
you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment
was that Adam and Eve should have children of their
own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children
wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on
yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes
you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
Received by e-mail
|A Tribute to Activity
Thank you for all that you do to improve
the quality of life for those who matter the
most, your residents! They appreciate it!
Thank you for all your creativity.
The residents are thankful.
Thank you for the extra effort you
put into each day.
Thank you for helping out in the dining
rooms for meal programs. They need
you! The nursing staff does appreciate it!
Thank you for all the special trips and
community events. They love being a part
of the community.
Thank you for all the effort you put into
your volunteer program, it definitely does
Thank you for smiling even
when you don't feel like it.
Thank you for spending time with those
residents who can not come out of their
rooms. They especially appreciate the
Thank you for a great survey. It takes your
entire team and
a dynamic program.
Thank you for giving all of your self.
Thank you for filling the resident's days
with meaningful activities.
Thank you for pushing so hard to get
extra special programs approved. The
extra effort paid off!
Thank you for all the extra hours you put
into planning and implementing
elaborate events. It was appreciated!
Thank you for attending seminars and
association meetings, even when
sometimes you have to use
Thank you for supporting other activity
Thank you for taking a chance and trying
Thank you for dressing up for all those
Thank you for all the hugs and love you
give to them.
Thank you for developing all the
Thank you for all the spiritual programs,
because it means more to them at this
point in their life.
But most of all Thank You for dedicating
your life to this very special profession,
Activity Professionals! We can't imagine
any facility without you!
by: Sandra Stimson, Executive Director
in Long Term Care
Used with Permission
|I extend a special thanks to
Pennie Bacon of
Activity Directors Network
for finding and sharing
Conduct more interviews than......
Do enough exercise to be on ......
Put on as many specials as.....
Ad Lib as much as......
Play as many games as......
Know as much trivia as the
Live through as many family
Deal with as much illness as......
Have as much compassion as......
Little House on the Prairie
Analyze current events like......
The Today Show
And - We are ready to go into reruns..... At
Above and Beyond all This, We must...
Sing like ......Kate Smith
Play the piano like ......Peter Nero
Do stand up comedy like ......
M.C. like......Georgie Jessel
Act like......Katherine Hepburn
Edit newspapers like......
William Randolph Hearst
Read like......Orson Wells
And do bulletin boards like......
Adapted from a speech by
|The Activity Director's Office
|THE STAGES OF
At age 4 success is...not
peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is...having
At age 16 success is...having
a drivers license.
At age 20 success is...having
At age 35 success is...having
At age 50 success is...having
At age 60 success is...having
At age 70 success is...having
a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...having
At age 80 success is...not
peeing in your pants
|When it comes to children,
here are some...
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their
life teaching them to walk and talk. Then
you spend the next sixteen telling them to
sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not
killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some
animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact,
they usually repeat word for word what
you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding
children's parties is to remind yourself
that there are children more awful than
6. We childproofed our homes, but they
are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your
kids. They will choose your nursing
home one day.
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND
YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT
SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
|I extend a special thanks to
Activity Director at
Heritage Green Assisted Living
for finding and sharing
by Suzanne Williams
Why do they come to my door and
ask, "Do you want to play Bingo?"
No, I'll pass!
Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?
Now leave quietly, without a peep!
Who is back the very next day?
"Would you like a manicure?"
I say, "Okay."
Or I tell her, "Maybe I will on
Ah! She's gone - there is quiet - all
Now, its just me and
The Price is Right.
Knock, knock! Can you guess?
Yep! She's back -
the Activity Pest!
"We're having a party. Please
won't you come?"
"If I go this time, will you
leave me alone?"
She tries to get me in the mood
And bribes me with a little food.
So I tag along - to this party I go.
There are people dancing, and
what do you know?
I'm talking and eating and
enjoying the show!
I guess theses activities
aren't so bad.
In fact, the party helped me
forget feeling sad.
So, if you get a knock on
And it is the Pest,
try not to ignore.
Believe it or not, her
intentions are right:
To get us out of our rooms
And into the spotlight.
by Marsha Kay Seff
Time for memory test, reality check
August 23, 2003
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody
hears, does it make a sound?
When my dad was alive and plagued by
dementia, I thought a lot about this
If your parent can't remember your visits
or how loving, patient and understanding
you've been, does it pay to keep showing
up, thinking up enjoyable things to do
and talk about?
If your parents don't always recall who
you are, how much should a dutiful child
I think my friend's 15-year-old son, Jacob
Fadden, said it best: "You still know who
And you still know who you are.
They are the dad who hated picnics but
went anyway, because you loved them.
And the mother who attended all your
grade-school plays, no matter how small
your part. They might even be the father
who didn't pay you much attention and
the mother who drove you nuts.
But you know in your heart that they did
the best they were capable of doing. And
you love them, complete with all their
flaws, as you know in your heart they
You couldn't live with yourself if you
deserted them now when they need you
most, even if they can't remember your
name or what you did for them this
One Thanksgiving, I took my dad from his
skilled-nursing facility to visit my mom in
the assisted-living facility across the
community's lake. It sounds easier than
First, I had to convince my father that the
trip to see his wife of 50 years was worth
the effort of getting out of bed. Then, I had
to dress and toilet him. Finally, I had to
push his heavy wheelchair up a hill that, I
swear, is a molehill when I'm not
Well, the two greeted each other with big
smiles and a kiss. Mom talked and Dad
listened. For about five minutes. Then my
father announced he was tired and
needed to go back to bed.
So I reversed our holiday journey,
undressed him and tucked him in. Then,
completely exhausted, I drove home and
pulled the covers over my own head.
I phoned Dad the next day and asked
him how he had enjoyed the visit. He
didn't have a clue what I was talking
My mother and I continued to visit him.
And because he didn't feel up to talking,
we chatted and laughed and hoped he
enjoyed just being close to us.
When I could cajole him into going, we
took him to ride my friend's horse, as
riding had been his favorite activity for
many years. He was happy astride a
Even so, he seldom remembered the
outings. Like everything else, they
seemed to float through his brain like
So I thought a lot about trees – and
babies. The first few years of a baby's life
are said to be the most important. You
give them everything you have, while they
enjoy the moments.
Yet, they don't remember, at least
consciously, the times you cherish, from
wiping their tiny tushies to taking them to
the beach. They don't remember the
happiness and love with their brains, but
I'm certain they remember with their
The same must be true of our parents.
Even if they didn't recall a Thanksgiving
when we knocked ourselves out to see
them smile, I bet they feel our love and
hold fast to it during their final days. They
might not be able to name us, but I bet,
deep within, they know us.
Meanwhile, we still know them. And if we
give them our all, we'll have fewer regrets
when they're gone. We won't feel guilty
about what we didn't do to help them
enjoy the moments. For the moments
there were – we remember.
If a tree falls and nobody hears or
remembers, it still makes a noise.
Marsha Kay Seff is a Union-Tribune staff
writer and editor of the San Diego
Eldercare Directory. Write to her at The
San Diego Union-Tribune, 2375
Northside Drive, No. 300, San Diego, CA
92108, or send e-mail to marsha.
firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your
|An Explanation of Life
On the second day God created the
monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do
monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give
you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey
tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog
gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too,
okay?" And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. God
said, "You must go to the field with the
farmer all day long and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life
you want me to live for sixty years. Let me
have twenty and I'll give back the other
forty." And God agreed again.
On the forth day God created man. God
said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your
life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell
you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty
the cow gave back and the ten the monkey
gave back and the ten the dog gave back,
that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God,
"You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat,
sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the
next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family; for the next ten years we
do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren; and for the last ten years we
sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you
|I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN
And proud of it!
I'm the life of the party... even when it
lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps
with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home
before I get to where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour
without my aspirin, beano, and antacid.
I'm the first one to find the bathroom
wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body
allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't
hear a word you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories. Over and
over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's
grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for - long term care, eye
care, private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic,
waiting, crowds, children, politicians.
I'm positive I did housework correctly
before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just
my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple
I'm now spending more time with my
pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat,
anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and
enjoying it less.
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind
closed doors. Absolutely nothing!
If you are what you eat, I'm Shredded
Wheat and All Bran.
I'm sure they are making adults much
younger these days.
I'm in the initial stage of my golden years.
SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you
feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm supporting all movements now...by
eating bran, prunes, and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts, I've just
lost the key to the storeroom.
I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am
having the time of my life!!!!
The study of paintings.
What you be after you be eight.
Back door to cafeteria.
What doctors do when patients die.
A neighborhood in Rome.
Searching for Kitty.
Made eye contact with her.
A sheep dog.
A punctuation mark.
Where Washington is.
To live long.
Not a friend.
Quicker than someone else.
A small lie.
World Series of military baseball.
What you hang your coat on.
Distinguished, well known.
Getting hurt at work.
A Doctor's cane.
A higher offer than I bid.
Cheaper than day rates.
I knew it.
A person who has fainted.
A fatherhood test.
Second cousin to Elvis.
A letter carrier.
Place to do upholstery.
Darn near killed him.
A small table.
Getting sick at the airport.
More than one.
Opposite of you're out
|How Many Christians
Does It Take To
Change A Lightbulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are
already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 - One to change
the bulb, and nine to pray against
the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None - Lights will
go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None - Candles
only. (Of guaranteed origin of
Baptists: At least 15 - One to
change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change
and decide who brings the potato
salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the
electrician, one to mix the drinks,
and one to talk about how much
the old one was.
Mormons: 5 - One man to change
the bulb, and four wives to tell him
how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to
make a statement either in favor of
or against the need for a light bulb.
However, if in your own journey you
have found that light bulbs work for
you, you are invited to write a poem
or compose a modern dance about
your light bulb for the next Sunday
service, in which we will explore a
number of light bulb traditions,
fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and
tinted, all of which are equally valid
paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined -
Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely out, you are loved. You
can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or
tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your
choice to the Sunday lighting
service and > a covered dish to
Nazarene: 6 - One woman to
replace the bulb while five men
review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't
believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
|THE ACTIVITY DIRECTOR'S OFFICE
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for Activity Professionals
in Long Term Care Settings
The Activity Director's Office
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